Anyone who has been in the situation knows that getting a diagnosis of MS is life-changing. I feel like it has completely rewired my brain and my thought processes (I suppose medically it really might have done something of the sort), and the things I consider when making life decisions have altered.
At the time of my diagnosis, I spent a significant period worrying about my future and what lay ahead. It took me quite some time to get myself out of the doom-and-gloom hole, but when I did, it became abundantly clear to me that you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow (MS diagnosis or not), so you may as well try to live life to the fullest.
For a long time, I felt like I couldn’t rest properly. I was on high alert, and it felt like something was going to go wrong at any second. My central nervous system felt like it was taking a real battering, and I was drained as a result. Work was something that kept me very distracted in the early part of my diagnosis, and for that, I was very grateful. That said, you do have to balance that ‘pushing through’ mentality with making sure that you process what you’re going through.
I have an understanding manager who I felt very comfortable sharing my diagnosis journey with. I think I made it clear to her from the get-go that my main concern was my future and essentially always feeling like I was ‘running out of time’. I knew that a fair few of my colleagues had previously taken sabbaticals, and it was always something I had pondered — but my diagnosis was the real tipping point for me applying to take some time off. I wanted to use my time wisely, and I needed a reset.
I initially requested three months off and planned all my trips. I went to Paris, Seville, Malaga, Copenhagen, Lake Garda (where I got engaged!!), Nice, and Portugal. I went on all of these trips with different people, and I came home in between and filled my time with training in the gym, running, lots of lunches with the girls, and seeing my best friend, who had not long had a baby. IT WAS AMAZING.
My feet didn’t touch the ground. Travelling can be tiring, and adding MS into the mix made for a very tired girl. I decided to ask work if I could extend my time off for an additional four weeks, which was granted. I used this for more downtime at home — relaxing at my parents’, walks with my dog, a book, and a coffee shop. In all honesty, I struggled to slow down, and I wanted to fill my diary to the brim, but I knew I needed to chill out.
They say time is the most precious commodity a person can possess, and my sabbatical delivered — time with my favourite people, time to enjoy new places, time to do the things I love, and time to reset and rest.
Granted, we may not all be able to take a long stint off work, but this has taught me that you should do whatever you need to do to focus on self-care — however that may look for you. Spending time with loved ones and making quality memories feels especially meaningful when you feel like you have an unpredictable future. I suppose I was far more grateful for all of it than I ever would have been before.
On many days, it can be difficult to find a silver lining with this diagnosis — it never comes easy, and you do have to proactively work hard at finding the positives every day. It can, however, bring a perspective shift that makes you reassess the priorities in your life: how you want to spend your time and who you want to spend it with. I never would have taken a chunk of time off work like this pre-diagnosis. But in reality, everyone should live this way: doing what makes you happy, as and when you can!
